Dear Eric,

In response to your article in the February 23rd University of Maryland Flyer, let me first say I am a non-gay married female, mother of three non-gay men. The issue of "gay marriage" is fraught with irrational fear and invective. Now it is time not only to listen to others who have different views, but learn. Our right of free speech is a system for speaking our opinions, but more importantly, for finding the truth. Finding truth means we must seek out contrary views and, whether we like them or not, be prepared to learn from them, and to change. This process is indispensable to the preservation of liberty (Walter Lippman, "The Indispensable Opposition", The Atlantic Monthly, 1939). It is from the standpoint of constructive dialogue, then, that I invite a second look at your arguments opposing gay union.

1. You state, "I believe that marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Simple as that." This is an unsupported opinion. Belief is fine, but for a well reasoned, convincing argument, you need facts. I could declare,"I believe in UFO's, plain and simple", but why would you take me seriously? No one would expect you to.
2. "Marriage is a sacred institution." This is an erroneous concept. Marriage is a civil institution. Couples may imbue their marriage ceremony and lifestyle with whatever religion they like, but their marriage will not be legal without a civil license. God does not issue such licenses, even through churches. So God cannot be construed to "ordain" marriages, as you claim.
3. "In Genesis, God said,"--In fact, we don't know what God said, only what the Bible claims he said. The Bible is a notoriously unreliable source on which to base an argument. Many claim it was written by people who said they had the word of God. Is God everybody's God? Can everyone receive His word? If so, what language is he speaking? Are God's exact words translated by completely reliable people into different languages, or could a typo conceivably slip in? If so, is it still God's word? Many claim to have direct links to God or that God speaks to them. In a recent case here in Salt Lake City, a man told the judge God had told him to kill a woman and her baby, which he did. The judge did not buy the part about God., and convicted the man. The judge might have seen fit to reply, "God tells me I should put you away for a very long time…"You see my point: that people may misuse the Bible for their own purposes. (For some enlightening reading on the word of God, read Thomas Paine's The Age of Reason, Part II, written from a Paris jail during the French Revolution.) The Bible suggests commitment and "union" but makes no actual mention of marriage. In fact, marriage practice first appears around medieval times, a purely social construct intended to preserve wealth and inheritance between prominent, moneyed families. Clearly, nothing is "sacred" about preserving and passing on wealth.
4. "Traditional marriages are healthier happier, safer, wealthier and longer lived"--you don't say so, but I presume you mean in contrast to gay marriage. This is an unwarranted claim. You need some evidence, such as a comparative group, to back up your statement. The only comparative group would be gay marriages. Only by studying that group after a considerable passage of time could a reasoned evaluation be made. But because we don't have a body of same-sex marriage to contrast with traditional marriage, you cannot justify claiming any superior qualities of traditional marriage over same-sex ones. Unhappily, many apparently strong traditional marriages collapse, as did Ronald Reagan's, Newt Gingrich's, and others. Realistically, it is inevitable that many gay marriages will prove just as fragile as many traditional ones, beset by domestic abuse, divorce, and unfaithfulness, just as heterosexual marriages are.
5. In my view, society would benefit most, not from forbidding the legality of gay union, but recognizing more committed partnerships, with two responsible, loving people building a monogamous life together, working and paying taxes, regardless of sexual orientation. Because we don't recognize gay marriage, gay partners can't enjoy basic rights other married people do. They can't inherit property as heterosexuals can; can't receive medical care under a partner's insurance. The present law, therefore, undermines the hard work, commitment and effort of a considerable segment of society, some ten per cent.. The reasons given to justify denying these Americans the civil rights other Americans enjoy--citing words of God, quotations from Genesis, perceiving violation of sanctity or sacredness--simply do not stand the light of day.
6. "Marriage is for the purpose of procreation." This immediately disqualifies countless traditional marriages where the couples a) can't or b) decide not to have children. Are childless marriages less valid for not having children, and should they be revoked? Incidentally there is no evidence whatever children raised in gay households become gay. So we are not protecting children by forbidding gay unions.
7. The fear that traditional marriage will be undermined, or more passionately, "wounded", by recognizing gay marriage, is totally irrational. The fact that two same sex people love each other, co-habit and justifiably seek legal rights does not harm, threaten or insult my marriage or any straight marriage I know. Someone's gay union does not tempt me to run off and live with a gay partner.
8. There is no evidence that anyone can compel anyone else to become homosexual-- and you, by the same token, cannot make anyone straight. My concern, Eric, is that you seem to want to, with all your heart. Why? You live in a democracy. No one justifiably interferes with your quiet enjoyment of life, and you have no need, or right, to interfere with anyone's. You don't have to approve of others' religions, politics, or behavior, but you do have to tolerate them. It may be hard for you to bear, but that is your civic responsibility. You are an American. Our Constitution bestows civil rights. It does not take them away. In the words of Herbert Muschamp: "We do not embrace reason at the expense of emotion. We embrace it at the expense of self-deception."
9. Keep listening and thinking.. Keep the dialogue open.

--Heather Dorrell