Time Honored Truths

Humor from the Internet

December 1998

  • Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • The older you get, the better you realize you were.
  • I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
  • Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  • Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  • If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  • If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?