First let me say a word about our vast selection. We have Western and Eastern Religions galore, not to mention nearly rubbed out religions like Wicca as well as many Native American religions. But our vast storehouse of superstitions doesn't end there. We have, for the exotically inclined, the aboriginal dream time and its associated beliefs, as well as various hybrids such as voodoo. If it says it is Christian, we have it. Branch Davidianism isn't dead yet! For you fashion plates, New Age and similar religions (like Anthroposophism and Scientology) are hip and happening, word up! And for those of you who really want to express yourself, we will customize to suit your superstition!

Our quality is second to none, too. Whether you want to work for your own salvation with Buddhist monks, or have it done for you by having blind faith in some divine claimant like Jesus, we can accommodate your heavenly aspirations! Each religion is carefully selected so as to be internally inconsistent, and all of them are the One True Way!!! This guarantees ego gratification and righteousness, while not sacrificing the happy anticipation of future reward!

Our prices are truly competitive, but such quality, selection, and service doesn't come free! For all of our religions, the base price is your critical faculties. Further, many Western Religions require a further deposit of free will, with ongoing payments of obedience to various outdated and petty rules. Eastern religions also require adherence to many rules. They need a lot of care and attention to maintain proper functioning, and are the most time-consuming. Small price for the grace and splendor of Eastern rituals and the beautiful tolerance! As always, any religion that punishes non-believers eternally comes with a compassion surcharge. Most of our polytheistic (not including Christian Trinitarians) religions and older, so-called primitive religions are basically live-in religions, and so aren't recommended unless you want to spend most of your time and really immerse yourself in culture!

So, tired of being atheist/agnostic? Tired of always being asked what your religion is? Are you looking for community and an end to all this strife over secularism? Come to The Religion Store! Now open at a convenient location near you.

--Brian Hayward